


The End

by SpearsAbo



Series: Shiver [3]
Category: Hellsing
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Death, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Character Death, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24742501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpearsAbo/pseuds/SpearsAbo
Summary: I knew it would end like this.
Relationships: Captain Hans Günsche/Original Character(s)
Series: Shiver [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729588
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	The End

**Author's Note:**

> Was super sad when I wrote this. But good news, the character finally got a name haha Please enjoy

I knew this was how it was supposed to end - with all of us dead and on our way to Hell for the horrific acts we have committed. 

It still did not ease the feelings of anxiety once I realized that this was the end for us. 

Major had forbidden me to take part in the battle; instead I stood next to him in the Command Room, watching the destruction of London. Seeing all of the people cry out for help as they were torn to shreds summoned odd feelings within me. I was no stranger to violence, but something seemed off. I sensed something terrifying coming for us. I did not know what it was, but I sensed it was crawling towards us, right to the Command Room where Major gleefully sat. 

Captain seemed to sense something too. Ever since our time in Paris, he had spared moments to be intimate with me while everybody else aboard the Zeppelin was asleep or away training. Sometimes it was nothing more than a hug in the secrecy of my, or his, room, and sometimes it was far more. These moments were rare, only happening maybe once a month, but he had refused to be even near me for the last four months - ever since we began making our way to London. I had wondered if I had done something to anger him. Now, I thought it was because he had sensed this approaching danger. 

Either way, it hurt the same. 

Just like it had pained me to watch Rip's drawn out death. That was actually when I began to realize just what I had gotten myself into. Seeing that...thing...mutilate and destroy her with a grin on its face made me realize just what we all were to the Major - rag dolls. He had toyed with our emotions - knowing that many of us were desperate when we came across him. He had convinced us to join him, and we had willingly agreed to the job - failing to completely understand what we were in for. 

On the night Rip met her demise, I cried. While the rest of the Battalion was saluting her for her sacrifice, I was standing in the back, trying to control myself. My hands were shaking and I felt like my body was turning inside out. For the first time in a long time, I felt terrified. This thing, even though I had no idea what it truly was, was coming straight for us. 

I was so horrified by what I had witnessed that I cried the entire night, and felt myself hyperventiliating numerous times despite the fact that I no longer needed to breathe. I tried to make myself fall asleep by humming songs that I frequently heard Rip singing. However, every single time I closed my eyes, I saw it. 

I gave up in the mid-afternoon on trying to fall asleep and simply got up - the image still fresh in my mind. 

Rip's death got me to thinking, just how had Dandy and the Valentine Brothers died? Major had given me nothing specific to go off of. He had only said that Dandy and Jan were no more and told me that Luke had become "dog food" and he topped both of these statements off with a chuckle. Now, after seeing her death, I could only imagine what "dog food" truly meant. 

Ever since her death, I felt non-stop terror. I was paranoid of everything - loud noises, weird shadows...everything frightened me. If anybody noticed, they gave no indication. The men still partied like they were teenagers and not like they were going into battle. I heard constant laughter and even heard one of them bragging in the Feeding Room that he would be the one to "end" the monster.

Did he truly think he would be able to?

After hearing that, I walked out of the room, not having gotten a drop of blood. 

I was not really hungry a lot after Rip's death. And I doubt I would ever be hungry after tonight - if I was still alive. 

As the destruction on London was happening, Zorin was launching her attack on Hellsing headquarters. Major was watching her as she commanded her men, and Schrodinger was laughing about something I was unaware of. Doctor had taken a break from his research and was watching as well, an amused expression on his face. 

They knew something I did not. 

As her attack progressed and their numbers dwindled, I found myself growing more and more anxious. Zorin had started her task off confidently. Now, she looked nervous and unsure of what to do. 

She was going to die. 

The thought hit me like a train. 

We were nothing but pawns and Major did not truly care for us. Zorin had gone into this believing that she would be able to cheat her sentence - to escape death by disobeying the Major's orders. However, she was going to meet death whether it was at the hands of Seras Victoria or Doctor with his remote containing controls for our chips. 

As Miss Victoria drank the blood of the French man, I had a sneaky feeling Zorin was going to meet her demise very soon. I took a quick look around the room and saw that Schrodinger was nowhere to be seen. 

He had disappeared as Rip was dying, delivering one last message, so I assumed that was what he was doing now. 

Feeling sick, I turned and quickly left the room. I could not witness another friend die like this. Major laughed at how uneasy I was and Doctor made a snide comment. Hans only glanced at the door as it shut behind me. Later, I would hear that Zorin had been torn to shreds by Seras Victoria. Major and Doctor had allowed Seras to tear Zorin apart limb by limb before she was finally incinerated. I think I puked right after I heard that. 

After I finished cleaning myself up, I returned to the Command Room where Major and Schrodinger sat. Doctor and Hans were nowhere in sight.

"What is wrong, Fraulein?" Schrodinger teased, his words laced with venom,"That is what happens when you disobey orders."

I looked down at my feet and wondered how I had ever agreed to become a part of this. 

Major chuckled."Hush now, Schrodinger. I am watching a movie."

Schrodinger hummed in disapproval but sat at Major's feet silently. Together, we all watched London fall to the ground. 

Some time later, Major led us away from the Command Room and onto the top of the Zeppelin. He cackled as he watched the fires dance through the streets. Schrodinger laughed along at his side. Soon enough, Doctor was there with us, almost as if Major had trailed too far from him. Once again, Hans was nowhere in sight and I felt uneasy about it. 

Something was happening that I was not aware of, and that he was. Hans never trailed away from the Major's side for very long - over the decades he had become Major's shadow. He would only choose to not be there if there was something far more important happening. 

"Major! Please come back inside!" 

I turned my head in time to see Doctor crouching down against the Zeppelin, trying not to fall overboard and trying to avoid debris. Major began to wave his arms , similar to a conductor. He paid Doctor no mind and Schrodinger laughed about it. Had I not been so upset, the scene would have been comical. 

However, the moment soon lost its humor as a helicopter hovered over us, a gun pointed right at Major. Major ignored them as well and kept conducting his music. Seconds later, I heard the gun cocked and a man say,"Fire!" Then there was a loud crash and then nothing. I watched as the chopper fell to the ground in several large pieces. 

"Ah, butler, thank you."

I whirled and came face to face with the Hellsing butler himself. 

Walter stared at me with cold eyes, a cigarette lit in between his lips. Hadn't he been much older? 

Walter gave me a quick look over and walked towards Major, Hans right at his heels. Unfortunately, Hans did not feel the need to spare me a look like Walter had. 

His refusal to acknowledge me stirred something within me. Not exactly anger but it was not sadness either? I felt invisible. For the first time after becoming a vampire, I felt dead. It was not a good feeling. 

And it stayed this way for a while - with everybody refusing to even acknowledge my presence even though I was forced to follow them everywhere. Major seemed too interested in Walter, constantly bombarding him with odd questions and talking to him about numerous random events that had happened within the last fifty years. Doctor remained at Major's side, occasionally chirping in the conversation. Schrodinger sat at Major's feet like a normal house cat and Hans stood off to the side - only moving when I attempted to creep towards him. After that, I stayed glued in the far part of the Command Room away from the rest of them, pretending to watch what was happening in London. 

A soldier whose name I did not know softly elbowed me in the side. 

"Hey kid, cheer up. We're finally meeting our goals."

I forced a grin and offered him a reply. I honestly do not know what I said. Whatever it was, it made him laugh, a deep sound that was nice to hear. It was a pleasant change from the screams. 

After a while, Major ordered Walter to make him hot cocoa and Hans followed him to do so. Schrodinger had disappeared for the time being, but I refused to move from my spot until Major commanded me to do so. 

"Isn't this nice? A beautiful view."

"Yes, Major."

"Fraulein."

"Yes?"

"I know what happened."

Now, Major could have been talking about anything. He could have honestly been spouting bullshit like he always was. But I knew, deep in my chest, that he was talking about the incident in Paris. Was he going to be angry about it? Or maybe mock me for thinking his soldier would give up his life for me? 

It was a bit of both. 

"I knew there was something wrong the moment Captain stepped off that helicopter. Fraulein, he is so old, ancient even, however, once he returned, he looked like a young boy again and even acted like it. His glare was harsh no more and he was lacking severely in his training. Ah, I believed maybe it was just a coincidental timing, but once Miss Winkle informed me of the helicopter ride on the way back home, I knew it. He had believed that for a split second, his life might end happily - or that he would escape death completely and live a happy life after being along for so many centuries. Ah, meine Liebe, you gave him one last hope, you see?"

Although I lacked the need to breath, I found myself growing nervous and uneasy and I began to sweat. Just where was he going with this? 

"I simply could not have that, and especially right now. He needs to be focused on one thing and one thing only. You have become a distraction for my soldier, and that can be tolerated no longer, understood?"

Although Major was being polite towards me, I could see the daggers in his smile. I grew anxious. Was this my time? 

"Now, I love you. You have become one of my favorite soldiers - a female who can fight and stay loyal to her superiors. You have proven to be an asset to Millennium, and I am not quite ready to give you up just yet. So, we will end this conversation for now, and I would like you to return to your quarters and think about some things. I will send Captain for you in just a bit, and we will talk more."

I nodded dumbly, and walked about of the room slowly, running into Walter and Hans on my way out. Walter once again looked at me, but Hans kept his glaze on Walter, and I think it was jealousy that bubbled in my chest. 

I pouted my way back to my room and laid on my bed once I closed the door. The feelings all hit me at once as my back hit the bed and I felt overwhelmed. My chest felt as though it was sinking and my nose burned. I felt my bottom lip pucker out and I wondered why I was acting so human-like. 

I began to cry. Wet tears ran down my pale cheeks and made them sticky and my eyes were swollen as my hands repeatedly rubbed them to wipe the tears away. However, no matter how many times I wiped them away, they kept coming back. 

Small wails escaped my mouth and I felt stupid. Why was I even crying? However, they kept coming, and I had to resort to biting my wrist so I would not be loud. 

I kept crying like that for a long time. I cried enough for a lifetime in that one sitting and it gave me a headache. It made my throat dry and my stomach hurt. But it put my mind to ease a little bit - for now. 

Long after I finished, I thought about the time in Paris and wished I could be there now and not in the middle of fighting a war. I thought about the waiter we had met on our last night there and I yearned to look at those pictures. 

I hopped out of bed and rummaged through my belongings though there was not many. To my shock, my camera was nowhere in sight. The cheap thing had seemingly grown legs and walked off. Annoyed, I tore my room apart to find the thing. I threw my clothes onto my bed and emptied the small, bland desk I had. I was displeased to see that the camera was, once again, nowhere in sight. 

I cursed to myself quietly and paced around my room. I glared down at the floor before an idea blossomed in my head. I poked my head out my door and checked to see there was no one in sight.

"Coast is clear," I mumbled to myself. 

I closed my door behind me and began to quietly make my way towards the Command Room. I kept my footsteps quiet and avoided any noises if I could (a difficult task to accomplish when considering how old this Zeppelin was). However, within five minutes, I was at my destination, without alerting anybody and I was a little excited about the accomplishment. 

I knocked on the large door before me to confirm that there was nobody inside before I barged inside. Upon receiving no reply, I carefully opened the door to Hans's room. 

There was nothing special to his room. It was the same as mine except maybe a bit larger and with a duller atmosphere. His bed was neatly made (maybe he did not sleep in it) and there was nothing on the small desk that sat beside it. Even when I quickly glanced through the single drawer the desk contained, there was nothing more than a few sheets of random paper and a handbook over random military operations and a pencil. 

Growing bored, I turned my attention to the small closet that was parallel to the bed. I opened it and shuffled through random coats and a few other miscellaneous articles of clothing. Nothing caught my interest until I happened to glance up and I caught a shimmer of something. 

I jumped to see what was resting on that top shelf and found a camera. My camera. I quickly jumped again and snatched it from the shelf and turned it on. I went to to look through the past pictures, trying to find the sweet memories of Paris. I had only used this camera a handful of times since then so I shouldn't have had to go too far. 

However, I clicked through a few pictures but not once did the ones from Paris appear. I felt my heart sink and my finger trembled slightly as I kept clicking through the pictures. 

Not once did they come into view though. Not a single picture from that night was stored in this camera. 

He had erased every single one. 

"A-ah my dress!"I mumbled to myself. I immediately dropped the camera and scurried out of the room. 

Right after we had returned, I had stored the dress in a chest in a storage room and kept it locked in there. 

"Please let it be there..."I whispered to myself. 

Please let me have something. 

The storage room was located on the opposite side of the Zeppelin but I ran the whole way there. There was no more soldiers anymore. They could no longer question me. 

The door to the room was unlocked and I pushed on it. It opened slowly and I squeezed through the crack of the door. I navigated through the darkness and piles of random boxes to find my chest. The chest itself looked as though it had been untouched and that brought me some hope. He had not touched this. 

Using my strength, I tore the lid off of the chest and peered inside. 

The dress was missing. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"You know, for Walter being made in just under a couple of hours, he performs so well,"Major said to himself, amused. 

I gave him no reply in return and he shrugged. 

Captain had been sent for me a long time ago and escorted me to the Command Room where Major still sat. Schrodinger was not in there at the moment, and according to Major, "he would be no more for a long time". Doctor had returned to his lab quite some time ago to gather some things. This left me alone with Major and Captain. 

At first, not a lot had been said. Major simply talked about whatever nonsense came to his head as he watched the bloodbath below him. 

Then, he turned his attention to me. 

"So, dear Fraulein, would you like to hear the conclusion I have come to?" he asked me, an odd smile plastered all over his face. 

"Yes, Major," I answered, a lo quieter than usual. 

He chuckled to himself. "Now, I have come to believe that you care for Captain so much. So much, in fact, I am going to leave your fate up to him."

What did he mean by that?

See the confused look on my face, he held up a gloved hand to silence me from asking any questions."You see, I already have Captain's fate sealed. He will die at the hands of Seras Victoria most likely when they finally come aboard. However, he has a choice to make before that happens. As soon as Walter dies in battle against the mighty Alucard and Alucard dies from consuming he essence that is Schrodinger, Captain will have to decide what to do with you before those two lovely ladies climb aboard. I have given him the option to simply rid the world of you...or I have allowed him to let you live. You would be able to live your life as an artificial vampire in peace and maybe find your own...'happiness' in this world. However, if he does choose the latter, you must be careful. You might end with the same fate as Walter...falling apart."

As I looked to the screen, I saw just what he was talking about. Walter was on the screen, blood oozing from his mouth despite not having taken a hit and looking exhausted. 

Major continued his speech to Captain. "Now, my Captain, I hope you make the right decision for us all. Your decision now could impact our victory in the future...Now, both of you, leave me."

We both followed the order and left the room. As we exited, I looked at Walter briefly who seemed to be even younger than before and seemed to be losing in his battle against Alucard. 

Something told me that my time was coming closer and closer. And Captain was not going to let me cheat death. 

Until that time came, we walked. Side by side. Silent. We walked until we reached the entrance of the Zeppelin: where they would be coming, looking for Major. Captain simply stood there, but I grew anxious once more. 

"Where did you put my dress."

His red eyes looked down at me and he shook his head. What the hell was he trying to tell me?

"What about those pictures? I want them back!" I felt myself growing upset. 

Once again, he shook his head, a somewhat somber look in his eyes. And as I felt tears prick my eyes, I understood what he was trying to tell me: It did not matter. Nothing would matter at this point. 

I stood there crying quietly for a few seconds. I rubbed my eyes until they felt raw, but the tears kept coming. I tried to stifle my wails but small noises escaped my throat anyways. Could he just put me out of my misery?

Hans knelt down and pressed his forehead against mine, holding me softly, as if he was comforting a child. For some reason, the act made me cry even harder until I was screaming into his chest. I hyperventilated and my pale hands clenched his coat. My head began to pound and my heart felt as though it was being removed. I felt like somebody was slowly picking me apart until there was nothing left; and that they were laughing about it. I felt humiliated. Ashamed. Stupid. I felt like I had thrown away my entire life. There was nothing else I could do. Except cry that is. And that was what I continued to do, clinging to Hans the entire time until I felt a shift in the atmosphere. Alucard had finally died. 

I felt two of Hans's gloved fingers wipe away the streams under my eyes and he stood, his jacket bearing two wet spots. 

He bent over and gave me a quick peck on the lips, and I understood what that meant. Good-bye. 

Once again, I felt the tears rise as he motioned for me to turn around. And as I heard him removing his gun from his belt, I felt relief but a deep sadness. This was it for me. 

"I can't wait to see you again, Hans." 

"I love you."

His deep voice came as a shock, and I momentarily forgot what was happening. I turned my head, going to make a witty joke when he pulled the trigger. 

The last thing I saw was him standing there, a gloved hand covering his eyes, his mouth contorted into a cry. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I caught her before she fell. 

I hated the fact that she had been torn away from me. 

The only thing that had given me hope for the past fifty years had been yanked from me. Once again, I was alone. Exactly as I had been before she came into my life. 

I held her in my arms. The gunshot did not instantly kill her. I could still feel her little heart beating long after the shot. Although she felt dead, there was still some brain activity left. Her little hands held handfuls of my coat for a few seconds until she finally faintly smiled and went completely limp in my arms. 

Before those women arrived, I had to take her away. Somewhere warm. I made my way to my own quarters, where she had been just hours ago and placed her on the bed. For the first time since our trip to Paris, she looked peaceful. A lifetime of running from her nightmares had made her an exhausted soul. I was happy she had finally met her happy ending. As for me, I still needed to find mine. 

Turning my back to her and shutting the lights off, I approached the Hellsing women to complete my final task. 

"I can not wait to see you again, Seline."


End file.
